Fucking Around Wirh Michelle Malkin

She might be a screaming loony, but man, let me tell you, I wanna fuck Michelle (Malkin) Maglalang (her actual last name). I'd have to put a ball gag in her mouth just so I won't have to hear the inanities that stream out of that cakehole, but she is one smokin' hot little Filipina. Since she is insane, she is also probably wild as hell in the sack.

By the way, did you hear about her latest piece of psychosis?

The story, as I understand it, is this: she was out walking her dog one day near her home when she passed a middle aged guy who was washing his car in his driveway. He had a cd of Rainbow's Long Live Rock n' Roll playing in a boom box. The ever vigilant Michelle, however, didn't like what she was hearing. Not because she thought it was too loud or the lyrics were offensive or anything like that. It was the way the song that was on at that moment, "Gates of Babylon," was played.

She confronted the car owner, accusing him of airing "terrorist music." The bewildered gentleman asked her what she was talking about. She responded that the tune sounded like something you would hear in an Arab country. "You're an idiot bitch. Get the fuck off my driveway before I call the cops," he retorted. "I'm going to sick Fox security on you," Michelle screamed and stomped off.

Apparently still seething, she did some research on the song and found out it was based on a harmonic minor scale, which has an arabic tinge to it. Proud of that discovery, she immediately got on her computer and began to write about this new danger, referring to the scale as "a sonic keffiyeh," noting that "rock musicians are largely a bunch of scummy leftwing hippies" and "were using this scale to inculcate pro-terrorist sympathies to their fans," insisting that "with the harmonic minor scale, each cd becomes "a little madrassa" spreading anti-American cultural ideas to a U.S. audience.

Richie Blackmore, the former guitarist and leader of Rainbow, was asked about this and referred to Malkin as "madder than a hatter."

In furthering her research, she also came across one Yngwie Malmsteen, the Swedish virtuoso guitarist who had effectively started the neoclassical heavy metal movement, which uses the harmonic minor scale as one of its hallmarks, alarming her further. "The cancer has spread," she typed on her blog.

When Malmsteen was contacted about this, he was just tucking into a 21 piece bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken (he has a bit of a weight problem) . Malmsteen dismissed her claim with a long cackle and then snarked, "if you ban the harmonic minor scale anyway, there goes Mozart's "Requiem" and other classical pieces. I guess Bach is a terrorist to her. If I see her, I will unleash the fury on her!" he seethed.

Malkin called Malmsteen's statement "the mark of someone who is a terrorist sympathizer" and is now vowing to have all of the hundreds of neoclassical metal musicians sentenced to internment camps while the fans will be dispatched to re-education facilities, where they will have their musical tastes reconditioned to love barbershop quartets. "The major scale is God's scale," asserts Malkin, and that is indeed the hallmark of that style of singing.

Offered that American troops might be listening to neoclassical metal, and if what one sees on You Tube, many of them do, she countered, "those who do are moles who are trying to disseminate sympathy for the terrorists and they should be imprisoned at Guantanamo!"

She also exhibited little patience for classical composers. condemning "longhaired assholes like that hippie Mozart, who was nostalgic for the days of the Islamist Turks rampaging through Europe and who wrote his "Requiem." as part of a quest to culturally colonize Austria It was a lucky break for western culture when he died young."

Okay, I made all that stuff about her equating music with terrorism up, but you wouldn't put it past her, right?