Time to Think About Internal Exile for Recidivist Criminals

At any one time in America there are approximately 1.5 million people incarcerated in prisons and jails throughout the land, according to the Justice Department. Of those, more than half had been under some form of governmental supervision, either state or federal, after being released from a sentence arising out of a previous offense.

The reason that I bring this up was that I read a story in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer concerning a chronically violent miscreant who stole a car one night and, while speeding through the streets of a city I not very fondly like to refer to as San Francisco for Dummies, went through a stoplight and collided with a car driven by an off duty female police officer. She died at the scene.

The killer, which is what he was, was a wanted man at the time, but he was considered a low priority while the Seattle PD was busy busting respondents to a Craig's List ad for engaging in prostitution. No, I am not making this up. Read about it yourself. And just so that you know, the State Attorney is Rob McKenna, a Republican. Maybe prostitution busts play better to Washington's GOP base, who are mostly located east of the Cascades, than nabbing assholes like the one that killed the officer in Seattle. In any event, the misallocation of police resources for cracking down on compensated nookie helped the thief slip through the cracks. He was thankfully killed as well, sparing us hundreds of thousands in jail and court costs.

But the prostitution vs. rounding up street thugs question isn't why I am writing this. However, it is an example of why I am about to say what follows:

In just about every locality you can name, the authorities become like competitive bass fishermen, playing a perpetual game of catch and release. In this case, the fish are the criminals who require us to keep our doors locked at night and compel us to not frequent certain neighborhoods after dark. We spend billions a year to keep these sociopaths away from civilized society only to then reintroduce what are really a bunch of one man crime waves back into their communities. You will hopefully forgive me if I insist that is stupid. The officers who have to put up with these cocksuckers in the lockup would be better employed patrolling our streets instead.

That is because if I had my way, I would go to whatever authority that controls the Marianas or a similar godforsaken outpost and buy off an island for use as a prison colony. What I propose is that we take anyone who belongs to a street gang or other organized crime group, even if they aren't currently in prison, as well as habitual offenders of every stripe and dispatch them to what could perhaps be dubbed Papillon Island (if you haven't seen Papillon I recommend you do so; it's a great movie).

Unlike today's American prisons, though, where the guards live in fear of of the rapists and robbers contained therein, in my scheme, the criminals would be dropped off on the island with the supplies necessary to begin planting their own food and become self supporting (hand tools only to help facilitate that) and they would have to figure it out for themselves. The U.S. Navy would surround the island to practice blockading around the clock. Anyone that tries to come off the island would be shot to death on site, as would anyone that attempted to approach it unless there was approval from Washington D.C.

It would be one and done. If the prisoners can't do what aboriginals from Australia to Canada did and form some kind of cooperative society then they would be allowed to perish. Furthermore, this would be done with no regard for population control (save that no women would be allowed on it). Prisoners would be dropped off as needed and let the colony's inmates deal with it even if the inmate population swells to five million on a patch of land the size of Disneyland. If major gang war breaks out, hey, who is against criminals killing each other? There would be no visitation allowed since it would be called a national security zone. No media, either. It would also be a no fly zone to prevent the media from flying over it. Any helicopters or planes flying over it would be shot down or forced to land. The participants would be subject to a one million dollar fine apiece and a ten year mandatory jail sentence at Joliet. The pilot's license would be pulled for life.

No first time offenders would be allowed to be placed on the island to ensure that those mistakenly convicted would have a chance at some kind of redemption. Yeah, I know this disappoints you Republicans who think that you should just convict anybody to clear a case (see Rackauckas, Tony). I have rather more respect for the innocent than that.

As hazily alluded to earlier, I make no distinction between incorrigible shoplifters and murderers. If you insist on hurting local business by repeatedly stealing even after previous trips to the gray bar hotel then you got to go. America depends on small business and we can't afford the economic termites that are petty thieves.

Drug users? Americans have waaaaay too much sympathy for them. We need a three strikes on users (with an arrest where a drug habit lead to the commission of a crime to support it being counted as two strikes) and a two strike regulation on dealers. If you are going to debilitate yourself on whatever, be it OxyContin or meth, society is held back by your continued participation in it. The first time you are busted, you go to mandatory rehab. The second time, a habit plus an offense sends on a permanent island getaway. Good riddance you waste of DNA!

The exception would be marijuana, which I would legalize and then tax the shit out of like alcohol and cigarettes, to pad the various state budgets.

Anybody who has two violent felonies plus a criminal misdemeanor (petty theft, assault, harrassment, drug possession) would be permanently bid farewell. Corporate criminals, especially embezzlers, wouldn't be allowed the first offense privilege. They go immediately. Otherwise, you will have more Ivan Boeskys, who was allowed to keep a substantial chunk of his ill gotten money by the judge in his case, or Michael Milken, who has endeavored to redeem his image as one of the U.S.' most prominent ratfuckers by setting up a phony baloney charitable foundation that is geared mostly to making him loveable.

Look, what you are dealing with in the habitual criminal is someone who doesn't think longterm and who hates the thought of having to work for a living. They are impulse driven and solipsistic in the extreme. Murders are still committed everyday despite the existence of the death penalty, which does not deter crime (I am not a death penalty opponent, just so that you know). So make them work to survive, which they don't have to now (and they get free cable and meals besides) and put those rookie cops who are the ones most often assigned county or city jail duty out in the neighborhoods instead of in fortified control centers in prisons or on their walkways.

Initially, this would be expensive due to land acquisition and transportation costs associated to moving hundreds of thousands of people out to the middle of whatever ocean we decide to do so. But when dickheads disappear the regular good people of the best country in the world can enjoy an environment much more free of lurking threats and investment in what used to be high crime areas would explode, leading to a renaissance in our cities.

Police officers on the street would feel like they are actually doing something rather than just being part of a neverending bit of street kabuki. They would be a lot less frustrated and cynical and thus less likely to go nuts in frustration on a suspect because they know the guy is about to go bye bye forever. This would result in less civil rights litigation and fewer criminals seeing an arrest as a chance to turn it into a payday by hiring the likes of the thankfully dead Johnny, "they hack 'em, I back 'em" Cochrane.

There is no way this is a loser. Or at least as big a loser as the criminal element. So make it happen by hitting up your state and federal representatives with an email or a phone call.